Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I Love Adam Lambert

Not as much as I love Melissa, period. But from the first time I saw him, I was in love with his voice and his performance. No, not in American Idol this year. In Ten Commandments: The Musical. Actually all of the performers in that movie stole my heart. They all have beautiful voices, and because they are actors and actresses, they match every little body movement with every little change of note. It was brilliant. This guy has been trained in that world, and although he has to adjust into a different world of music, it wouldn't be so hard for him. I've seen several videos of him in youtube, and damn, he is brilliant. The way he expresses the lyrics and the way he controls the voice that comes out of his body, the way he rules the stage and interracts with the audience. I felt like I was watching his concert, not a competition (Paula Abdul commented exactly like this too!). He was already a professional, his level is so much higher than most of the contestants. That is undeniable.

I first learned his name from Ellen. She liked him a lot and talked about it constantly on her show. Out of curiosity, I checked him out on youtube, and he seemed familiar. Dang! There was a video suggestion of 'Is Anybody Listening (Adam Lambert)' on the right side of my screen. Holy shit. He was that teenager from Ten Commandments!

Anyway, looking at him on American Idol makes me wonder how it'd be if Melissa was only in her 20s or early 30s these days. She is way under-credited. She has such a magnificent performer, and yet she is never really 'famous'. A week of adoration and fame here and there, but never really 'in'. I wonder why that was. Anybody who has every seen her live show would leave with at least a complete understanding why their friend adores Melissa so much. I'm proud to say, though, that even though there is only a 'small' number of Melissa fans, a huge percentage of them are devoted to the core, and some have been a fan since her debut album. Melissa is right, she has the coolest group of fans in the world. Her fans don't just follow her and everything she says like puppies. They can think for themselves, and they often offer some respectful critics for Melissa. I actually agree with 98% of everything she does, and the other 2% is her personal matters, so I never critisize her this far. There is one girl I know who doesn't like Melissa just because she's gay and not young and pretty, but to hell with people like her. She didn't like Beyonce before but now she likes her because Beyonce is prettier. D'oh. Who needs a fan like that? Don't let me even start on the standard of beauty. It is such a fake, stupid thing and it's even more ridiculous when said by women. Beauty is not only on the outside. Melissa is not as 'sexy' as Britney Spears anymore, but she's still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. My suggestion is to look at Afterellen.com's Hot 100 if you're looking for beautiful women, because it's the only list I know that judges women based on more than their sex appeal. In that list, 'hot' means beautiful, strong, smart, wise, and funny.

Gah, I've wandered too far from the main topic again. I should write for one of Ellen's stand up comedy. She has the same style, circling around from the main topic and to a topic that totally unrelated with the first one. In the end, though, she'll come back to the first topic before making the main conclusion. It's brilliant. Now I don't have time to continue writing until I come back to the Lambert discussion, so I'd better end it now. Hehe. Goodnight!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Another Melissa Adoration 3

Okay, so two posts aren't enough. Just one more for today, please. :D

When I think of how you know me, no doubts no thinking twice
When your smile can be so soothing, a familiar paradise
When there's no one else that makes me whole
I am never needing more
I get this feeling
That I have loved you before

Were we lovers in an army, marching off for Rome
Side by side in the battle, did we bravely leave our home
Did I hold you in my arms, as you were taking your last breath
Did I shout to all the gods, I would love you beyond death
Or more,
I swear I've loved you before

Did we hide in the dark ages, from a vengeful God above
our names are too unfamiliar to ever speak of love
Did I cling to every moment with you, every parting glance
An accidental touch, did we ever take the chance for more
I know I've loved you before

Have I wandered through the desert
Have I looked to the north star
Have I rode the days and nights on rails to get back where you are
And everytime I found you, it's your eyes, I know for sure

When I think of how you know me, no doubts no thinking twice
When your smile can be so soothing, a familiar paradise
When there's no one else that makes me whole, I am never wanting more
I get this feeling, I know I've loved you before

This is not the Melissa who wrote 'Like The Way I Do', 'Bring Me Some Water', 'Enough of Me', or 'Come To My Window'. This is almost like a song written by someone else completely different. She was like a wanderer in the game of love. She moved from woman to woman, from heartbreaks to heartbreaks. The closest to a content love song she's ever written before Tammy is 'Sleep', and even that is more like being tired of wandering and seeing a comfortable shelter, which is not perfect, but good enough to rest in. But the shelter is not strong enough, it needed much work even just to hold itself up. When the storm stroke down, it crumbled. This song is like being written finally from a real 'home', with a strong foundation, with a warm atmosphere, with a sense of safety and contentness that it will last forever. Even the melody reflects it. In 'Sleep' it sounds so tired. This song sounds so relaxed it's almost lazy. That's how you're supposed to feel when you're home, right?

Okay, back to the lyrics. I'm one of the firm believer that Melissa watched Xena. Hehe. When I found out that Lucy is a fan of Melissa, I went giddy, but when I first listened to the words in this song especially the second verse, I went ecstatic. I know she writes from her own experience, but who's to say that Xena's not one of them? It's a TV show afterall. And it's not like she's writing about Xena and Gabrielle. She wrote about her own love story but with a Xena-ish reference. I believed that the lyric is 'Did I shout to all the gods' from the very start, while some other fans believed it was 'Did I shout to all the guards'. Anyway, this song also makes a beautiful tribute to Xena and Gabrielle's love, and I have to admit I can't listen to this song without Xena and Gabrielle on my mind. I do hope that we will all have this kind of love, someday, somewhere, somehow.

Another Melissa Adoration 2

I don't like reading looooooooong post. Even my own post. So I just make it to two post. Besides it's about a totally different song, totally different meaning.

Kingdom of Heaven

A suffering soul on the way to the kingdom of heaven
Held up a sign that says, "God hates America"
A child has been lost, a mother is shocked and is grieving
And turning away, turning away

He said there is a love that is so hideous and destructive
We must drive it from earth to save all of our children
He must know it well, in the night it's the hell that he speaks of
It keeps him awake, keeps him awake

My God is love, my God is peace
My God loves you, my God loves me

A suffering soul on the way to the kingdom of heaven
Prayed in the dark, "Death to the infidel"
He strapped all his desperate pain and his faith to his body
And blew them away, blew them away

A suffering soul on the way to the kingdom of heaven
Shouts on the news, "They are the godless ones"
The anger inside and the fear that it hides never leave her
When the cameras are gone, when the cameras move on

Oh people c'mon, tell me where is your kingdom of heaven
Where is you faith? Where do you put your fear?
Do you have a price for truth and the price for believing?
And heaven is here, heaven is here

My God is love, my God is peace
My God is you, and my God is me

Though I could never sing the last line wholeheartedly, the line of "My God is love, my God is peace. My God loves you, my God loves me" summons up my faith. It's what God is to me and nothing can change my view in this. If heaven is filled with those killing-in-the-name-of-God people, I'd rather not be there. Many people condemn Melissa for being gay and curse her to root in hell. Well, if she's going to hell for being gay, so will I. And how fun that place will be, with good music from Melissa, good humor and dance with Ellen, sweet lullaby from kd lang, a little workout with Martina Navratilova. With everybody who roots for peace and love. While in heaven, people will fight to decide which holy book is the holliest, which right is the rightest, to whom God belongs to, etc. That's what heaven and hell like in my mind when I hear 'those' people talk. I happen to think God is smarter than that, thank you very much. I don't worry one bit about the safety of Melissa's soul, and I believe I'll be saved too. What I worry about is for those people who sold their souls to some book they believed is holly, those people who sold their soul to a heartless god. I only hope that God will protect us from His followers.

"I like your Jesus, but I don't like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Jesus."

Another Melissa Adoration

There is not a day passing by without her name on my mind, her music in my ears, the lyrics in my heart. The music doesn't have to be played in my MP3 player whatsoever. It automatically plays in my mind everytime something happens to push that 'play' button. For these days, every morning (afternoon, actually) when I wake up and go to work I automatically sing,

Wake up!
Damn, I've gotta do it again
There's faces and places, there's strangers and friends

Ahaha. Love that song, although it never made into one of her CDs. But it's a good song for boosting your self-confidence.

I've gotta go, I've gotta be
Something better than me
A dream with no guarantee
But baby says I'm good enough
Some parts are worn out, some edges are rougher
Baby says I'm like a fine wine
Getting sweeter with age
I'm getting better all the time

Heheh. Well. I'm here today to discuss her heavenly lyrics - again. I've bored way too many people talking endlessly about Melissa, but it's their own fault. Once they know she's 48 (almost) and gay, they automatically back off. Well, their loss. They can't stop me from worshiping her.

My favorite of her lyrics (and music video - it's quite a coincidence/not because it's the only video she directed herself) until now is 'Angels Would Fall', which I've quoted so many times here. It's so divine.

The rope that's wrapped around me is cutting through my skin
And the doubts that has surrounded me are finding their way in
I keep it close to me like a holy man's prayer
In my desperate hour, it's better, better that way

So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be such a very good friend
Have mercy on my soul, I will never let you know
Where my mind has been

Angels never came down, there's no one here they wanna hang around
But if they knew, if they knew you at all
Then one by one, the angels, angels would fall

I've crept into your temple, I have slept upon your pew
I have dreamed of the divinity inside and out of you
I want it more than truth, I could taste it on my breathe
I would give my life just for a little, little death

So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be just a very good friend
I will not look upon your face, I will not touch upon your grace
Your ecclesiastic skin - (chorus)

I'll come by and see you again
I'll be just a very good friend
If I whisper they will know, I'll just turn around and go
You will never know my sin

I found these comments on youtube:

"Knowing that Mellissa had an affair and fell in love with a female while married to a man. This song says to me, that even tho her secret seems forbidden in the eyes of her husband and perhaps of god. Mellissa, just doesn't care! She really fell in love and just wants her love to be accepted by society and allowed to florish. I hope all things, worked out for mellissa in the end xx" - saurabhbijelwan

"Yeah, I like it too! Anyways, the meaning of the song to me is a girl that likes a guy that doesn't want to confess her love, I never really thought of a lesbian at first like some people thought." - sweetluvretro16

"This song tells the story of a closeted lesbian who is secretly in love with a woman who is, I think, very religious. She knows, or believes, this woman would despise her if she revealed her true feelings, but she couldn't bear not to be in this person's life. Love gives her a reason for being just as religion sustains the one she loves. But she can't be open in her love, so she has to settle for being a good friend to this person she values far more than any other mere mortal." - TruthUnleashed

"I always thought the song was about being in love with a straight girl. Cuz you could never be more than very good friends. And it could apply to any unrequited love situation (gay or straight)" - harme2

"I'm pretty sure that the song is about being in love with a priest. B/c she says i wont touch your acclesiastic skin. and acclesiastic means priestly so i think she is sayin that angels wouldn't come down b/c they dont like anyone kinda meaning that everyone in the church and all is hypicritical. Where as this one priest fella is so amazing that angels would fall if only they knew him." - TjTerror2

It can be interpreted in those ways, indeed. :D The real story behind that song is that Melissa's relationship at that time was strained, and she had this crush on a married friend, so that's an impossible crush. I smiled at some comments (it was Julie who was married to a man, and this song wasn't written around that time) and even loved some other interpretation (I love the last one! It makes sense through and through, except that Melissa would never fall for a priest, priests are all male). But that's what is amazing about great lyrics. You can interpret them in many ways. For me personally, that lyrics describe beautifully how I think of Melissa herself. If I ever meet her, I'll be just a very good friend to her. Oh, and just to add the Melissa adoration, I've never ever heard the word 'SIN' said so sexily and so heavenly. Hot damn. (I'm not the only one thingking this. You can check on her youtube video comments and count how many women would go gay for her. Lol.) Aaah, the beauty of being able to appreciate heavenly music!!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Gone Too Soon

Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly
And Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Castle
Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon

I think you've heard about this already, but I've gotta write something on my own. I have a difficulty in expressing my condolence so I put off writing this until now.

I don't know Mrs. Natasha Richardson well, I'm not even a fan, and there are many new things about her I've just known when the news about her falling on a ski lesson spread on the net. But one thing I know for sure: she is a wonderful woman and a brilliant actress. The proof is simple. I've only seen her in Nell but I remember her performance and her name that when I watched 'The Parents Trap', I instantly recognized her. Another thing I remembered from Nell is how she and Liam Neeson's character had such a beautiful chemistry. When I found out that he is in fact her husband in real life, I felt so sad that such a beautiful couple had to be separated in such sudden way, and of course I feel for their children too.

Another proof that she had lived a good life is the many condolences written for her and her family. Even from an unexpected suspects. I mean, heck, even the first time I heard about her fall is from Afterellen.com, and in the years I follow the news in that site, I've never seen her name at all. Ellen also tweeted about her, and as long as I know she's never been on her show and never appeared in a movie together or such. Even Tammy blogged about her. Well, it doesn't really matter if people care about her or not, I do care. I only saw two of her works, but that's enough to give me a deep impression about her. And what I see is a gracious, brilliant actress and woman.

See, I cannot express myself well. Hh. The last time I felt this way was when I heard the death of Steven Gilborn. He is the man behind Harold Morgan, the father of Ellen Morgan (Ellen DeGeneres' character in her "Ellen" sitcom). I love his character in the show and I think of him as an ideal father, maybe besides my own father. Anyway, I don't know much of his work besides that, but I feel like I know him and I felt really really sorry for his death.

No matter how long or short one's life is, it will not be long enough for the people who love them. In my family, we don't say 'I love you', but we always make sure we show each other one way or the other. I think I just have to show my family more that I love them every single day. Maybe also to Melissa, thanks for inspiring me each and everyday with your words, your music, and your actions. Ellen, thanks for being brave and make the world a little bit better for us, the younger generation, and thanks for making me laugh everyday. And, thanks to my friends who share with me their stories, their secrets, their worries, their thriumph, and to make me a part in their lives.

Once again my condolence to Natasha Richardson and her family. You'll be missed.

Friday, March 20, 2009

This Is Outrageous!!!

I've just stumbled upon a video in youtube about corrective rape in South Africa. For a country who has already legalized same sex marriage, I actually expect far more tolerance there. But noooooo, it breaks my heart.

Corrective rape is a rape done to lesbians to make them realize WHAT they are. As if that's not enough, most of the victims don't want to report to police because they knew their reports won't be taken seriously. It is estimated that 10 new corrective rapes happen each week. Some are followed by murder or suicide. Worse than any other rapes, corrective rape is done mostly as gang rape, and what is most heartbreaking: can be done by family members and friends, because they think it's the right thing to do! Even in one case, the mother of the girl, instead of defending the daughter, blaming her sexuality for it.

I can hardly believe my own eyes and ears, witnessing someone innocently stated, "I approve of corrective rape because being a lesbian is not good and it is the right way to make them realize what they are." It's ridiculous to the bone! Not to mention cruel. While we're talking about cruelty, though, try to read this and try not to be physically mad : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peter-daou/on-gang-raping-and-killin_b_174695.html.

It's when I read stories like this, that I start to ask about the core of humanity. I start questioning the goodness in people. It's so hard to believe when everyday, everywhere in the world, someone is laughing while taking the life of somebody else.

That is what you get when you're thinking in the boxes of 'normal' and 'abnormal'. It is what you get when you're thinking in the boxes of religion. You lost your sense of humanity, you lost your direct contact with God because you're too busy reading His 'book'. How can you stone a little girl to death because she was raped, on the ground of adultery? I know, I know, your holy book said it's the right thing to do. But where is your heart? In the other case, the raper killed the girl because he was afraid to be found out, that's his crime. But this, this is done by 50 men in front of a thousand people. Does none of them have children? Does none of them have heart? 1000 people, for God's sake!

The worst thing when you stumble accross news like this is that you tend to research more and more, and from the links you stumble on so much more bad news. Hh. Now I'm so sick I've gotta go. Maybe I'll write more tomorrow.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Wives on Ellen

Ugh. I know that Ellen alone has a cuteness level that could make me melt into a jelly - almost literally. But how about THIS:

Eat that, 'Yes on 8' suckers! Love is never wrong. I wish I could describe the cuteness of those two together, but I guess you could see it for yourself, the videos are all over youtube. Of course I'll be helpful. First part of the interview can be found here, the 'newlywed game' is here, and the bathroom concert series is here. But this one is my favorite: Ellen and Portia playing aw snap in their interview practice.

Only one thing bothers me about one moment on those videos. No, it wasn't that eharmony is a homophobic company and they were playing newlyweds game. I couldn't care less about that because they apparently let Ellen and Portia play. In my point of view, it wouldn't be much of a champaign for them as it is a champaign for gay marriage. Anyway, what distubs me the most is the moment in the newlyweds game after they both reveals the cards after "What is the best gift you spouse has ever given to you" question. Both answered "Her heart/love" and it was the cutest moment ever, and it wasn't only my eyes, many people also think the same with me: it was like they were both trying so hard NOT to kiss. It IS an appropriate time to kiss! But okay, it is a daytime TV and all, bla bla bla. But only seconds later, the couple who played against them kissed after hearing what they would receive. There were several things wrong with that situation. First, Ellen and Portia actually won, but the other couple got the bigger present. (Okay, at least for this one I can imagine the reason why.) Two, in any couple game, aren't the winners are suppossed to kiss? Three, I can't help but noticing how at lost Ellen and Portia looked when the other couple hugged and kissed.

For now, I'm gonna overlook that small unhappiness I felt, because in whole, I think Ellen has just broken another ground and gave straight people a view of real-life gay couple, and maybe just a hint of how discrimination feel like.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Goodbye Isn't Always Enough

Waking up to your words
Feeling something thrown from my mind
I go back to the passing years
It sure seems like a dream

I check my phone for the second time
Wishing it could lie to me
Linger on your name
But my thumb is numb
I wanna hear your voice again

Goodbye isn't always enough
What I know on my mind couldn't chase away this feeling
What good it'll do for acting tough
The memory's still intact inside my damaged heart

I mask a smile for my daily life
Try to ignore the empty space
I call for home, but you're just not there
And you won't ever return to my side

Goodbye isn't always enough
What I know on my mind couldn't chase away this feeling
The thought of you control my mind once again
I wonder if it's better never knowing you at all

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Ahahaha, The Future

It's from Melissa's song, "2001". I read an article about how Melissa came up with the song. It was when she thought about the technology and stuffs, and went all, "Ahahaha, the future." (That line is also a part of the lyric). It was the first thing I thought of when I saw this:

Interesting, huh? I saw that monopoly in a store brochure. Monopoly is my favorite board game (because you get to count fake money), and now, you can even pay by card! Damn, time does change, doesn't it?

The Garu Lesson

I've just got this Garu character from Mc Donalds. Well, actually it's from weeks ago, but whatever. :p I don't know much about the character, but I've seen many stickers with Pucca characters, and from what I saw, I think the story goes kinda like this: Garu loves Pucca unconditionally, and Pucca maybe love him too, but she always kinda take him for granted and torture him. Anyway, I like this character so much because I'm kinda like him. Haha. I mean, in loving someone so much that even her bad traits cannot change it.

This (I don't know how to call it so I'll just say his name) Garu of mine really represents how I view the Garu character. You can open his stomach and inside, there's a Pucca picture embossed. For me it kinds of represents how Pucca is always on Garu's heart. One other thing is that this egg-like body of him is built in a such way that you can't knock him down. No matter how randomly you drop him or knock him down, he'll just roll on the surface and stand up again. It's very much like the characer, isn't it? No matter how much Pucca tortures him, he's always strong. Lol, of course it helps that he's just a cartoon character. If it's a real person at least he'd have been comatosed by Pucca's tortures.

In real life, I don't want a relationship like Garu and Pucca. I know it's kinda cute and everything (as long as it's not as sadistic), but I'm just not as patient as Garu and if I'm to be in a relationship, I want her to feel as strongly about me as I feel about her. But if that relationship is gonna last, I will need to learn to love as unconditionally as Garu does. Nobody is perfect, so there will always a time to say, "I love you despite of your...."

I'll save that lesson for when I'm in a relationship, but for now, I take the other lesson he offers. It's to stand up again no matter how hard you've been knocked down. Garu is not a weak person, contrary to what most people think. He's a real gentleman and a real strong person. I always believe in what Xena said, "It takes a greater strength to show compassion." Most people think it's people who go out on a protest, who takes challenges, etc, as strong people. Not so much for me. Strnegth lies in being patient and doesn't make a big deal of small stuffs. Strength is knowing how to say 'No' to stupid challenges. Strength is being honest to yourself and others. Strength is admitting your faults and appologizing. Strength is standing up for what you believe no matter what. And strength is standing up again no matter how you've fallen down. Garu doesn't punch Pucca back because he loves her (and maybe because she's a she), but he's always willing (and able) to protect her from harm.

Anyway, I was lucky to get this Garu. It was actually a mission to go to Mc Donalds, that is located quite far from my place. I just wanted to eat the food so much that I decided to go there by bus (IN WINTER, so it's quite a sacrifice, with all the waiting and the walking in the cold weather). I knew that they gave out Pucca thingy on Happy Meal, so I bought one and yay! I got Garu. Quite a coincidence, but well, everything happened for a reason and heh heh, so this is why I had my craving for Mc Donalds back then.