I hate it when people I care about gets dissed without anyone even knowing the whole story. And Melissa has got dissed. A lot. With all the money she's losing from her 'devoted' fans, I think it's fair that Tammy gets nothing. Damn, it's such a lose-lose situation and I hate to write this post. But I have to. I haven't taken my stance just yet, but right now I'm leaning heavily on Melissa's side.
Let's break down the story:
1. They announced they were separating. At the same time.
2. Melissa was interviewed by Oprah and she didn't want to tell the story because Tammy wasn't there to tell her side, but she said the breakup was 'as mutual as those things can be' and Afterellen picked up that as 'probably not mutual at all'.
3. Tammy wrote on her blog that Melissa left her. It wasn't mutual at all. Melissa got dissed, of course. Some fans left.
4. Melissa filled for divorce. No spousal support for Tammy. Wants joint custody with the kids. More people dissed her. More fans left.
5. Tammy wrote on her blog that she was blindsided, that they promised not to fill for the divorce until after the tour. Telling her story that she had to stay home with the children while Melissa was having fun on tour. That she had to scrapped up 1 dollar for gas, borrowing money from friends and families. Now things got ugly. Hate comments everywhere. Not to mention from gay marriage supporters, who felt heavily betrayed.
6. Tammy filled back. She wants full custody AND spousal support.
7. Tammy's lawyer said she was not given a penny since the divorce. Melissa's lawyer said Tammy's delusional, and that Melissa's been paying all of Tammy's expenses, which totals tens of thousands of dollars per month. Article.
8. First court. Tammy's lawyer demand $25K immediately and another $25K for legal fees. Denied. The judges believed that Melissa was paying for everything already. Article. To be continued in September.
No shit, I hate how this goes. Hate is not even strong enough a word. I hate this more than even the gay marriage debate. First of all they were my favorite couple on planet earth. Second of all, it hurts enough that they parted, not to mention the four children. Third of all, it always hurts me when Melissa got backlashed without people even knowing the whole story. She got backlashed sharing her own life story, she got backlashed supporting Kucinich, she got backlashed making peace with Rick Warren, heck, she even got backlashed supporting breast cancer awareness. Fine, she was not completely speaking true on Oprah (though heck, if AE can pick up her real meaning, she's not really lying after all), but who the heck NEVER lie or at least cover the truth? She does preach speak true, but though I'm a firm believer in speak true, at times I lie, too. I tried my best not to lie, but hey, I'm only human.
I don't know why they broke up, I don't know why Melissa refused to pay Tammy MORE. While I don't know them personally, I'm a devoted fan of Melissa and I read Tammy's blog sometimes. When things got ugly, I only said that I couldn't care less if Melissa won't pay Tammy, they're adults. But if she refused to support her own children, I'd lose all respect for her. I'm so happy I was right. Melissa's still who I thought she was.
I wish Julie could speak up about this, but even Melissa stayed silent. Something doesn't sound right. Melissa was hurt by Julie, but she still offered her spousal and child support. IF Tammy didn't do anything wrong, why would Melissa not want to give her spousal support? I don't believe Melissa's a cheap person. I know Melissa gave out lots of money in support of things she care about, even when she knew she could gain absolutely nothing from that. And she has much, what's ten thousand a month for her? She's not stupid. She knew she's going to get backlashes if she refused to pay Tammy. Why did it anyway? She believed in gay marriage and that's why she paid Julie in full, why not now? They're all so way out of her character and therefore I believe there must be a reason behind what she did.
And gaaaaaaaaah... there are so many random people just making assumptions as facts. Melissa NEVER pushed Tammy to stay home, it's Tammy herself who offered herself. Tammy LOVED being home more than acting. I hate it when people said how miserable she was, giving up her career and all - if you wanna take her blog for facts, read it all. Oh, sorry, you can't. Some posts had been deleted for one reason or another. Gah. Many people mentioned Tammy nursing Melissa back to health. So? They were functioning back then. Melissa also took care of Tammy during her pregnancy. Tammy took care of home, Melissa took care of their income. No one owed someone anything when it's all give and take. One more thing: Melissa NEVER pushed Tammy to have children. In an interview she said that Tammy wanted children and she wanted to respect that. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love them. She mentioned them almost in every interview, and looking back at her track records with her two elder children - she and Julie even arranged a connecting houses after break up for their sakes! That's why I put my faith in how she treated her children. If she's as cruel as giving no financial support for her children, then she's not the Melissa I knew and maybe she was just a mean, unethical, unfair, lying, cheating, stealing, stinky, ugly, hurtful, selfish, self-centered, worthless, shallow, vain asshole (this is considered 'nice') like everybody said. She's not.
I never said anything hateful about Tammy so if in the end she's right, I owe her nothing. But if I'm right and Melissa's story is truer, than so many people owe her huge apology. Even now many people owe her apology for calling her names because they thought she didn't want to pay support for her children. But I think now they only move their hatred into her not paying Tammy 'makeup, shoes, dresses, eating out, laundry detergent' money (even this one I'm not sure is right, coz other source mentioned that Tammy got $2000 a month just for herself). Geez. The only thing I regret is not being able to go to her tour this year. With so many fans giving up their tickets I'm bound to be able to get good seats and less competition to get her pick. Heh.