Friday, February 20, 2009

The Wedding

The universe sure has a ridiculous way to answer my wishes. I had just said that I wanted a family, having a wedding, and all with the love of my life, I sure didn't say I want my first love (whom I still have a feeling for until now) to get married.

Waking up to that kind of sms is certainly not my idea of a good morning. Yeah, she told me she would get married at the end of this month. I was like... WHAT?! I know I said that I want nothing more to do with her. I know I said I wouldn't touch her with a ten feet pole, she's like a poison to my sanity. But I still have feelings for her after all this time.

First love is certainly someone you can't easily forget, huh? Furthermore, this is the person that made me admit to myself that I am indeed gay. This is the person for whom I decided to stand up against the world and become a minority. This is the person that first showed me the wonder of the world outside my sheltered home. How can I not feel the loss for a love that never was?

I wrote so many songs for her, and one of the newest has been the declaration that I don't care if she stil wants me or not, I will never be the one for her. Of course, after that there was a night when I dreamed of her and I wrote another song called 'Every Now and Then', talking about how I remember her every now and then. Here's the lyric to 'It Will Never Be Me':

We used to share the glory, you and I
We talked of our dreams and future plans
But when it's dark you can't find way back to my arms
And you found somebody else

Didn't I tell you something like goodbye
Didn't I make sure it's over now
You loved me not with your heart, I know
It'll be okay, I'm moving on

It wasn't me that you need
You just can't love me back
Now you want more than friends
And I just can't give you that
Don't you understand, I just can't lose my heart
For you, it will never be me

Well, I did say goodbye to her so there's no point in turning back now. I'm here and she's there and there's no possibility of me boicoting her wedding and kidnapping her like in the movies. Heheh. Although one of Melissa's songs keep running in my head: "I'm alright, I'm alright, it only hurts when I breathe." I guess I have to say my final goodbye to our story anyway. This is one song I wrote for someone else, but there's no more appropriate moment to use this song for. So, please be happy, Vochi. I will do my best to stay out of your life.

I have no saying in the works of love
Though I have shouted and cried and begged to up above
Everybody's got their choice, that's what I believe
If her hapiness' in you, what can I do but leave

But please give me your words, and give me your vow
That you will love her better than I do
Please give her your crown, let her sit on your throne
And never ever let my angel go - and will you

Will you make her smile, will you protect her?
Will you care her every need, forever and ever?
Will you share her every dream, love her beyond death?
Will you take good care of my angel?
Will you?

No comments: