Monday, July 17, 2006


I had a pretty terrible fight with my mom. Well, actually my mom was angry and I didn't even open my mouth. Then I just ride on a motorcycle.
Initially I had nowhere to go. I just went arount the city, then an idea plopped on my mind and I decided to go to Parangtritis. Afterall, when I was upset, it was best not to meet any people I know, be completely alone and quiet. So I did.
That was the best decision I made all day. Along the way to the beach I finally saw the destructions of Jogja's Earthquake. It wasn't pretty. I was so thankful that I am okay and my family are okay. And it's good for a thought, too, after the horrible fight with my mom.
There were times on the road when I felt like giving up. It wasn't the safest road in the world, for I knew that there were people who would steal to survive. Besides, I didn't know the way, really, I just followed my instict to get there. I've been to the beach several times but I've never driven there, let alone by myself. Then came another argument that I'm a girl and it wasn't good to be on the beach alone, who knows what might happened?
Against all the good reason, I kept going and I reached the beach. It was like a dream. Before, I was in a city full of malls and shops and people, then I was on the road seeing the destruction caused by the nature, and then I was on the beach, seeing the beauty of the nature. When I touched the water I couldn't help but thinking if I was going to wake anytime soon. But I didn't. I enjoyed my time, walking on the beach, playing with the water and simply felt alive.
After spending about half an hour there I went back on the road. I felt hungry but I didn't dare picking up food and ate it home for it would only cause a bigger mess with my family. So I picked up food, and ate it here, in a warnet. Even now I'm not sure if my mom will talk to me. No, actually I'm sure she won't talk to me. Typical. Damn. This is suppossed to be my holiday!
Maybe, it's best to break down and cry anytime you feel like doing it. Well, I learned my lesson. If I did it back then when I felt like doing it, I wouldn't feel so miserable and heavy all these times that I wouldn't let small things upset me. It isn't right to blame my family because they don't know what was going on in my life, they don't know how I went through some things back then, they don't know how I deserve a rest, they only know the result of my work and it's good, so they think I went through all of that easily.
Well, I guess I'm not that strong a person afterall. I've tried to bear all the burdens by myself and I failed, it slapped me back in the end.
I'll go home now. Sorry you have to read this piece of shit, but I can't use my computer at home to write this (coz my family will find out for sure) and I just have to write this or I'll be even downer. Oh, and if you can, take a little time to pray for the victims of the earthquake. I think the food and money given to them are plenty enough (except for the area which hasn't been reached), now they need the strength inside to cope with the mental trauma, and God can help a lot with that.
See ya next time, I hope in a better day than today.


Angel said...

wow. I never see you so down like this one. you always look tough and can go through everything easily. well, I don't know what you fought with your mom, but I've been there, too, though it was with different topic (topic isn't the right word. what would be the best one?) that I can't accept. So, we're on the same boat.
how's your relationship with your mom eventually? much better now? I hope so.

Ryan said...

Haha, that's the beauty of blogging. Because you can tell everything like it's your diary. The bad side, is of course, EVERYONE can read it. But this is who I am, I'm not the rock everyone sees and expect of me all the time.
Well, I don't remember what our problem was, but our relationship now is the same as always: we are really close but when we fight with each other it gets ugly for few days. Haha, moms love us to death, but sometimes they just drive us crazy, don't they?