I Could Have Been You

I'm scared of growing old
I shiver when I'm cold
Don't you think I bleed the same blood

It's not easy anymore
The way you used to keep score
Not so black and white the color of your sin
Take a walk inside my shoes
A path I didn't choose
Spend the night inside of my skin

If Melissa goes to hell, so will I. I've always believed that. It's not so easy to imagine spending an eternity in hell, but at least there's where the good souls rest. I know nice people who are gay and if that's the only reason people are going to hell, so we'll have a party down there. Heheh.

Stupid, silly reason to hate people. My friend hasn't been able to look Melissa as a human being. She always refers to her as 'the crazy one'. She doubts that Melissa and Tammy are really living a happy, healthy life, because they are celebrities and therefore it's just a public appearance. She pities Melissa cause she never has sex with men.

Truth is that I don't know Melissa and I certainly don't know Tammy personally, but I'm not a fool. I've read hundreds of Melissa's interview, and she always answers as honest as she could, about anything at all. And her music, her lyrics... if you love music as much as I do, you can feel which is 'fun' music and which is 'real' music. Melissa is the real deal, never once I doubt her. Even if I'm not gay, I'll still worship her. But again, it's weird cause if I'm not gay then it wouldn't be me so I might be a very different person. :p Complicated, huh?

And in the matter of their relationship, just check out Tammy's blog, just check out Melissa's songs since she met Tammy, just look at them together even in paparazi photos. It's just that... it's FAMILY. It's a real, functioning, healthy family. With problems and all. A marriage in its most sacred form. Nothing can make me more confident of the blessing God gives to these two women than when they were declared 'beloved wives'.

Well, I so want to yell out those words above to my roommate until she can see the truth. We're not any different than you!!! I have a crush on someone too as you change your unfaithful crush from one to another. I felt so much jealousy that I cried myself to sleep one of these nights. I've felt the missing and the loss when she's not there, and I've felt the fear too that she would reject me. It's not so different than what you feel, isn't it? Add it up to the fear of coming out, the need to be truthful, the frustration that people don't want to understand, and the damned illegalation by the government.

I don't want to be overly respected, I don't need to be excessively adored or admired, and then when they know who I really am, BAAM! All of the respects and the scores I won disappear. No. What I want is just to be seen as a person. That I'm not seen less if when they know I'm gay. That my friends will still be my friends when they know I'm gay. That my families will still be that kind and accepting when they know I'm gay. Is that too much to ask?