Tuesday, June 19, 2007


I don't know if that's even a word. Never mind.

Well, here I am again and this time I don't wanna say anything political. Tired of that already. Actually I'm tired of a lot of things. Good thing that I'm gonna get my holiday soon. I really really need that. I'm someone who loves life very much but last month or so I almost wish for death. I'm happy God didn't listen to me. Lol. But even then I know deep, deep down that I really wanna live. I wrote this on my personal blog and I think, 'Oh wow, I seemed to have some sanity left.' Lol. "Death is not for running away from our problems. It's a gift given by God because we've lived our lives till the end without giving up." I truly believe me. Lol.

Life is really funny at times. When you need money, it seems like nobody's going to give you any. When you need none, it seems like everybody would give you money. Sigh. I'm looking for a job in my city, but everyone here seems to have a job offering for me. Isn't that weird? And annoying, coz some of the jobs I really want to take.

Right now I feel really happy and content. I have a new hobby (actually it's my passion... music has never been 'just a hobby' for me) to pursue. I have a whole new life in a new place (old, actually, since it's my hometown, but I've been gone for three years, for crying out loud!) to look forward to. Oh, and a pretty good record to help me find a job. Lol. But best of all, I like myself for this moment. It's a huge deal. When I'm at peace with myself, no one could degrade me. When I'm not, even if the world's at my feet I won't feel happy.

But now, listening to Candy-Candy song the warnet is playing (what the heck??? Candy-Candy?! Hh, but I love it anyway, lol), gezzz!!! Now it's playing KBH-RX. Bwahahaha! And now Saint Seiya. I'm not kidding. But I even own Saint Seiya DVD, so who I am to object? Lol. Besides, they're good music. Well, talking about music these days I'm 100% single-minded so don't even try to ask me to talk about music in general coz I won't. This is strange, coz usually I'm very open to any music at all, but right now? Lol, there's one and only one music drumming in my head every second of my waking AND sleeping moment. Well, of course different song each moment, but nonetheless, the songs were written and/or sung by one same person. LOL!!! I'm head over heels with that particular music. Sigh.

Hm, what else? Oh, my friend in Canada is expecting a baby soon. No, not hers. Her cousin's. But she will be there to help her cousin in the giving birth process, it's so exciting. And she will be a godmother. I'll suggest her to tell her nephew/niece to call her 'god' for short. Lol. It'll be fun! I hope her cousin will give birth soon that the child will share birth month with me. Heh heh.

It's been a long time since I focus on what happens in my life, not the past or the future. But that's the point, don't ya see? I focused too much on what would happen in the future, that when the future did happen I had already look forward to the next future and I didn't think that the future that was happening mattered anymore, you see??? Lol.

So, as I have already focused on this moment before, might as well now talking about the future. I've always worried about my future, but as I said before, right now I'm happy and content so I won't talk about the dark future. I will only say that no matter what my future will be, I hope I'll always be who I am today. Confident, content, and happy, money-loaded or not. I've always been, and still am, a child. Well, even the test I took some time ago told me I am a 7 year-old inside. Lol. I believe that test result. I do still have that child inside me, we all do. I guess I just let mine roam free. Heh.

Bored already? Me too. But the computer is downloading the files I want, and I want a lot of big files. Don't ask me what. Sigh. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I remember the time when I was downloading some other files at warnet. I chatted with my Canadian friend, doing the analysis for my observation assignment (which, by the way, I'm quite proud of), and tried really really hard to stay awake coz I was there from about nine pm until seven am the next day. Whew. But I went home feeling really happy - and sleepy, sure, but happy.

Ah, ain't happiness and love all we need in this life? People always fight for right and wrong. For me that doesn't matter. It's God's place to judge right and wrong. We humans can only do what we THINK is right in this world. I won't take anybody's standards of morals coz I have one of my own, and though I refer to it, I won't pursue my morals to anybody else. I can suggest, but I won't pursue. And I will say this here (coz there are some of my friends here who should know this): I hate it. I hate people preaching on me to pray and pray and pray. Geezzz, do I need to take a pose and pray that it's called a prayer??? I talk to God everytime, my relationship with God is fine, thank you very much. I just half-torn between telling them the truth or provocating them to make me 'repent' more. And usually, I... um... choose to provoke them more. Lol. There my inner child shows up again. Yea, like I say, when you're trying to understand right and wrong, there's when you can provoke wars. You see? You say, 'The bible is the rightest right.' and bummmm! The moslems will object to you coz they have their own belief. Why not say, "I believe this and I respect what you believe."??? Tolerate is not good enough a word, coz it means you don't respect it, just barely go along with it. That's why I rarely state something is right or wrong. But love and happiness, we all can relate to that, we all want that, as boring as it may seem.

Bwaaah!! I just realized that I went political again. Bah, just don't read the last paragraph. I don't have the heart to erase it. It took me five minutes to write them. Lol. Okay, I think I've said too much already. I'll just write the rest in my own private blog. See ya.

1 comment:

DeviLucious said...

hello, miss violette is visiting =DD

i dont know you blogged again, welcome backkk.

anyway, i dont really think you went political and i digs your entries because you really spilled your whole soul out. you clearly define your thoughts and thats awesome.

humanminds diversities issue is one of the few things that keep me goin, or else life would be pretty boring lol.

i totally feel ya on the "suggest but not pursuing" theory. i hate it too when some people get too pushy forcing their ways of doing things. geez, thats annoying lol.

Let HE who is without sin, casts the first stone... yea? =D

anyway, i've been blogging privately, so, would ya send me an email, i'll invite you.

have a great week ryan. good luck on the job search, i hope you'll find a good one soon

mail me @ hazelpearl@gmail