Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Ode to Inspector Cheng


Let me sing the song of a magnificent police inspector. Her name is Cheng Shin-nan. Quite frankly, you’ll want to kill her (or kill yourself for that matter) if you ever meet her. But once you know her you’ll find yourself drawn to her and the next thing you know you can’t get her out of your mind it makes you crazy.

Okay, maybe that’s just me. Lol. You see, I looooooove women. I admire lots of them and I even adore some of them, fictional and real women alike. It’s even easier with TV/movie characters, as we could get to know the character, and adore them, not necessarily the actresses. But as much as I love Xena I couldn’t imagine having her as my wife. As much as I adore Idy Chan’s beauty, living with Xiao Long Nu in the tomb will perhaps bore me to death. Judging by her character, Inspector Cheng’s antics might also shorten my life a great deal, but that would still be a very interesting and happy life. Yup, out of all TV & movie characters, the one that I’ll be very likely to actually fall in love with and will want to marry if they ever come alive is Cheng Shin-nan.

How do you explain a person like Inspector Cheng? She is a police inspector in mainland China. She dresses like your great great great grandmother. Her personality is much like Rachel Berry but her voice is the total opposite, and heck, her choices of songs are beyond terrible. She can ramble more in one breath than Ellen Morgan (and my mom). She is patriotic to a fault, but amazingly, not small-minded. She’s tough but actually very girly. She’s bossy to bone. She’s conventional but logical. And like Kenshin in Samurai X, in the critical time she’s the one you can count on.

Okay, some facts about her:

1. Her guns are decorated.



Well, at least three of them were decorated, and it’s only shown in the first movie. The first gun was confiscated by the Hong Kong police because she’s not allowed to carry a gun. The second was used to hurt the friend of the escaping criminal. The third one showed up out of nowhere in the final battle. I find it charming, and a nice testimony to her personality.

2. She took threats to her homeland seriously… however trivial it is.

No kidding! The father of the Hong Kong detective who lent a room for her and her nephew was a veteran revolutionary. He sang revolutionary song at night, they countered it with a Chinese anthem, and from there the singing battle went on (this is the first time I heard a ‘singing battle’ in any movie. It was brilliant, really!!!)

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And the morning after, the battle continued…

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3. She can out-drink an army of veterans

And still went out to enjoy Hong Kong afterwards.

4. She is innocent.

That’s not just to say that she’s a virgin. She wore pajamas under a bikini, for heaven’s sake! Note to any (male?) criminals: if you want to escape her, just pull down your pants.

But it’s her innocence that makes her able to love in a very cute way. And that expression actually makes me wanting so much to be the one causing it in the first place, dammit!
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(Gah, this one minute of expressions has as much effect on me as Emma Thompson’s broken heart scene in Love Actually! I loooove it. Especially when she tried to shake the giddiness off but broke out a smile anyway…)

5. She looooooooooves to sing. Especially in front of a crowd. Especially karaoke.

And when she gets the chance, not even her own nephew is allowed to sing a line.

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I tried my best to find the video of this part in Mandarin (found one in Cantonese, but I find it less funny…), but I can’t. If you can, please do watch. Bellyache from laughing is guaranteed. This is when they asked to sing another song, but the karaoke operator hated their singing (rightfully so) and played a donation show instead. Since karaoke is about singing the subtitle and since there WAS subtitle on the screen, they SANG it!!!


Did I mention that her singing literally broke glasses?

6. She loves to dress up. But her taste is just… gaaaaah! 


Well, still better than her everyday clothes, though. But why can’t they dress her up like this at least once per movieeeee? Hiks…

7. Her English is… well… unusual.

She taught her troops THIS:

Which naturally resulted in a daily usage of:

Yeah, yeah, it’s only a semi-dirty word. What’s so special? HER PRONOUNCIATION, I tell you what!

8. She LOVES to eat. You know my deal with women and food. My ultimate love is women who STEAL food.




9. She’s got a magical purse that can produced unlimited number of weapon (be it fake or genuine ones), and a car that can fit unlimited number of people.



Not to mention that her use of weapon also quite creative:

vlcsnap-2011-10-04-03h23m37s9 Bowling balls

vlcsnap-2011-10-04-19h06m52s46Deathly glare

vlcsnap-2011-10-04-19h25m28s190Golf balls


vlcsnap-2011-10-04-20h10m36s143 Badges
(From left to right: Chinese Public Security, Taiwan Interpol of State Security, and Royal Hong Kong Police. Poor guy… he’s not even a criminal but he offended the police from three countries at the same time!)

Oh well, it’s really quite impossible to describe her properly. You’ve gotta get to know her yourself to understand her charm. But one thing I can say for sure. I’m charmed! There was even one scene that I’m pretty sure made me look like this:

And that scene actually replayed itself in my dream. Lol. No, it’s not THAT naughty, but I certainly won’t tell in details. :p

So that’s my movie wife for now. I left the TV wife spot cause I haven’t found her. The closest one was Monica Geller, and that makes a lot of sense cause I’m practically a female Chandler Bing, but since she’s married I won’t claim her. Oh, and actually the movie is quite good. Yes it’s kinda old but it’s golden, really. There are lots of surprises and creative ideas used. The English title is Her Fatal Ways and it has 4 sequels. Just please don’t fall for my movie wife, OK??? :D

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