Never Make A Clown Sad

I've long trusted in Ellen's jokes. She's been through a lot of ups and downs as a human being before she's as successful as now, and it's in her jokes where she writes down those experiences and the wisdom she got from them. Long, long time ago, she wrote a joke about there's nothing worse than a sad clown. (The exact quote was, "There's nothing worse than a sad lesbian. Except for a sad lesbian clown." But you get what I mean.) and I've just had an experience why it is so.

Really, there should be a rule somewhere that a comedian not be allowed to act in a tragic role. Heh heh. I only half-kidding. It's true! As sad as it is to watch a person going through a tragic fate, it's even harder when that person is usually the person who makes you laugh. I haven't encountered such a person in real world, and even though Ellen's story years ago was pretty close to the description, I didn't know her personally and I didn't even know her when she went through that. Now, I felt that way about one of Dodo Cheng's characters.

You see, I've forgotten where I found her in my childhood, but when I re-discovered her again last month, it was through some comedy movies. In fact, one of the reason I like her so much is because of her brilliance in comedy. Although she's not a comedian, she's a great actress who can even make me laugh with just her expression. But that's the problem! She's a great actress, and she did act in some serious roles. Women's Prison's Lynn, for example. Lynn is not really a tragic role, though. I'd say she's a fighter. And there's her role in 'Tiger Cage', where she acted as a policewoman, whose boyfriend was killed the night before their wedding. I'm not sure if it's because her acting is not strong enough or the character was supposed to restrain her feeling (she was a policewoman after all), I didn't feel that much hurt for her. (I actually anticipated it, hugging my pillow and saying repeatedly, "Ouch, ouch, ouch, this is gonna hurt like hell"... but it didn't hurt that much.)

Until To Liong To! That's the Heavenly Sword and Dragon Saber circa 1986, which was aired in Indonesia when I was just a kid. Since I've already re-watched Return of The Condor Heroes circa 1983, and I've found out that Simon Yam and Dodo were paired for Zhang Wu Ji's parents in that series, I think, what the heck, I'd re-watch it too. Problem is that I can't find any subtitle for that series, and it's in Cantonese! Luckily there's still a Chinese subtitle on it or I won't even understand one word said. Oh, and I read the translated e-book of the series, but unfortunately the book is only half-translated. Fine, then. I'd just watch it until the suicide scene. Damn my curiosity!

   

I have to admit that Simon Yam might be my favorite on-screen partner for Dodo Cheng (don't even mention Chow Yun Fat! For some personal reasons, I HATE that guy!). I also quite enjoyed the plot, although it's pretty crazy. My father once warned me that Wuxia literature is crazy, but its craziness is the reason why it's so addictive. He was so right! The day I read the book, I didn't sleep all night finishing it. Of course along the story I yelled and cursed, "Are you fucking kidding me???" "For the love of GOD!!!" "C'mon, how the heck am I supposed to believe THAT???" "Fuck, fuck, fuck, nooooo!!!" But despite all those incredulousness I felt, I just can't stop. It's as addictive as Harry Potter, I tell ya.

Anyway, yes, I knew there was a double suicide of Zhang Cao San and Yin Su Su, but I didn't remember how they met and how they ended up killing themselves and left little Wu Ji alone. I thought it'd be over in one or two episodes of the TV series, but it turned out that their story lasted for 11 episodes. The story is a mix between wuxia, Titanic and Robinson Crusoe. Yes, crazy, right? I kinda like it, though. But it also has a bad effect on me: I warmed up to the characters. I began to like Xie Xun, I began to admire Zhang Cao San and adore Yin Su Su. And then, bam! The double suicide. It hurtssss!! First of all, they left a child behind, and he was bawling, so how can you not cry with him? (Not to mention there were also six grown up heroes who cried at that scene.) Second of all, they were cornered by everyone, to the point that even if they didn't kill themselves, they might be murdered one way or the other. Third of all, like I said before, Dodo Cheng usually makes me laugh. When she cried so tragically, how can it not break my heart? There's no sadder thing than a sad clown, indeed!

If Zhang Wu Ji ever blamed his parents for leaving him behind so young, I would blame Zhang Cao San. He knew the whole story of how his third brother getting hurt after Yin Su Su's confession, and he still blamed her for it? She did hurt him but on a curable level! She gave him an antidote and sent him back to Wudang, and even rescued him from his attacker - she even got poisoned during the rescue. What was he thinking, really, killing himself for that? It’s pretty selfish, in my opinion. He’s leaving Yin Su Su and Wu Ji alone to face those other people, who’d sure be going after them still for Xie Xun’s whereabouts. Yin Su Su’s suicide on the other hand, is understandable for me, cause how can she live with herself, knowing that she’s the reason of her husband’s suicide? Although she didn’t deserve to be blamed for all of the mess, Cao San was much more of an innocent. She simply had no choice but to follow him.

I actually remember about Yin Su Su’s suicide, but not this version. It’s Sharla Cheung’s version from Jet Li’s Kung Fu Cult Master. Her last words were quite memorable, asking her young son to revenge them and telling him never to trust women. “The more beautiful a woman is, the more capable she is to lie.” I have to laugh at that, cause indeed, Wu Ji’s life would be lived among beautiful women who were all quite good liars. Sharla’s suicide scene didn’t make me cry, though, cause Cao San actually ‘told’ her beforehand about his suicide. She didn’t cry, and Wu Ji collapsed before he had time to mourn. Dodo’s version, however, was more loyal to the book. She didn’t know Cao San’s plan, so when she found out about it, she was shocked, grieved, and guilt-stricken all at once. Wu Ji also was just found back, so it was quite overwhelming for her: she lost her husband, found back her son, and knew that she must leave her son again very soon. To her credit, Dodo acted out all of those feelings perfectly. Oh, and she actually crawled back to Cao San before she died. Wu Ji and Wutang people grieved deeply for some moments before Wu Ji collapsed. It was just tragic.  

Okay, now this is a bit out of topic, but I’ve been wondering. Since I came out to myself and to others, I feel some kind of responsibility to make sure I support people/company who support LGBT community. Of course this is not an obligation, but mostly I find that straight people who support LGBT people willingly are usually wise and kind. This is not my selfishness talking, I swear. They are wise because they don’t succumb to society and religion’s prejudice just like that. They are willing to look over past the ‘normal’ boundary into the reality that LGBT people are just… people. No more and no less. Logically speaking, they have to be somewhat kind, too, because they’re willing to support or fight for the rights of people who actually don’t concern them.

Let it be noted that I don’t automatically support/like everything gay, and I don’t dislike/trash everything straight, of course. There are narrow-minded companies who produced great products and there are narrow-minded people who are talented. Sad as it is, there are also LGBT members and open-minded people who are criminals, crazy, or even evil.  So far, though, I find that all my favorite people/companies are at least gay-friendly. Now I’ve been trying to search for an interview or something about Dodo Cheng that in some way implies her stand on this issue, to no avail. Please help me if you happen to be able to read/listen Chinese/Cantonese or have ever watched/heard about it. Besides my personal curiosity, it’d be nice to now how Eastern culture views the issue. I find it interesting that I’ve never put much thought on this before, since I’ve been a fan of Chinese/Hong Kong movies forever.

That’s it for now. I’m kinda busy. I said before there’s no way I’m downloading a hundred episode of a TV series in a language I don’t even understand. Well apparently I was wrong, cause I’m downloading them even as we speak. Heh heh :D

Update: Oooookay. ROTFL! Dodo’s character has just been hit on by a lesbian! Lol! And not just any lesbian, a really crazy one. Somehow I even heard Lucy Lawless’ name mentioned in the meeting of how to get rid of her, but I’m not sure. Well, I hope that doesn’t represent the lesbian stereotypes in HK, cause as crazy as I am, I would never pursue a straight women like that, I have no tendency to cut myself, and I didn’t understand the rest of the conversation. But honestly, if a lesbian like that went after me, I too would have literally run away like Ms. Mo did. Bwahahahah!

Oh, Carol!

Okay, first of all, a warning! This would be the outlet to vent out my frustration to the lack of source on the net about a Singapore sitcom, “Oh Carol!” starred ~ you guessed it ~ Carol ‘Dodo’ Cheng. I’ve been looking and looking and looking for that sitcom online for days, and I found next to nothing! I found two SMALL clips of that, though, and I KNEW I’ll love it. First of all, it’s Dodo Cheng and it’s a comedy. #2: It’s in ENGLISH!!!! Yay! #3: She played a character not unlike Ellen Morgan. Well, a straight Ellen. Or, Ellen in her first 3,5 seasons. #4: There’s a little girl involved. (No, I don’t have a Lolita complex! It’s just that an added cuteness couldn’t hurt, and would probably makes the sitcom funnier.)

So this time, instead of talking about the characters I love, let’s talk about the actress for a change. Come to think of it, it breaks my heart that there isn’t much Dodo movie left for me to download. As productive as she was, lots of them were TV stuffs and I’m not going to download 100-episode of a sitcom, much less when I don’t know if I’m even able to get the subtitle for that. I even have to accept the fact that I won’t be able to fully understand some movies I downloaded. Thank God there’s still the Mandarin audio or I won’t be able to understand it AT ALL! (For the record: on the scale 1-10, my Mandarin understanding is about 1. Hiks!)

I have to say Her Fatal Ways and Women Prison are still my favorite and her most memorable roles for me. I love her in every roles, though, cause she played each of them with such dedication that it’s hard not to believe her acting. And by Gods she’s been in so much variety of roles! From tough ass to damsel-in-distress. From high-class lady to prostitute. From beautiful to ugly. There is even one role of cross-dressing as a man (but sadly, not a real role as a man, like Cecilia Yip. Hiks!). Oh, and there’s one where she played Liang Shan Bo to Maggie Cheung’s Zhu Ying Tai. God only knows why they’re named such, cause they’re cousins who hate each other’s guts! (Note: Liang Shan Bo and Zhu Ying Tai are the couple from the famous Butterfly Lovers story.) Oh, and I inclined to believe her English with heavy accent in HFW 4 to be a part of her acting, cause in fact English was her strong point in school and years before she sang an English song perfectly. I’ve got to give her credit for that, cause I know many Cantonese speaking people who are not so good in English, and I swear THAT’S how they talk!!!

I wonder about one thing, though. I knew I grew up with her movies and her face is so familiar to me, but the only movie of her I remember watching as a kid is ‘Master Wong vs Master Wong’. Her acting left such a deep impression on me even though I knew nothing about love back then. I even remembered being so angry with Wong Fei Hung and that Aunt 13. Lol. Oh, and she played Tio Bu Ki’s mother early in the series (To Liong To 1986, CMIIW). I vaguely remembered that, but not so much. But where else? Why did she seem so familiar to me when I only watched two small roles of her?

Googling her is also a challenge for me. There is so little her in English, and not even one fan site. I kinda blamed Jackie Chan for this. In the ONE role she played with him, she played one of THREE damsels in distress. Gah! What a waste of international introduction! She’s remembered for that role only for that TOWEL SCENE (which, I admit, is pretty hot, but c’mon!). Why can’t he gave her a role like Michelle’s in Supercop? (Although, Michelle Yeoh and Jackie Chan will remain my favorite action partners, ever!)

Oh well, thankfully wikipeda/IMDB’s biography is reliable enough. I just had to laugh at one thing, though. I tried to google her name in Chinese, and then using Google Translate for the result. Because usually they write her name like this: DoDo(嘟嘟) or 鄭裕玲 (嘟嘟), when I translated it to English, they become: DoDo (beep) and Carol Cheng (beep). Worse: when there’s no parenthetic marks, the translation become: toot. LOL!

My biggest fan dream is perhaps for Ellen and Dodo to interview each other. They are really different on many levels, and yet I think they’re quite similar, too. Both keep their health intact (six packs at 50s, I tell ya! Dodo, not Ellen… haha), both have their own style and stick with it, both are successful hosts, both work really hard (rumor has it, Dodo once shot 9 movies in a day. That’s just crazy), both control their meals and do yoga… yup, it’ll be very interesting to watch.

For now, though, I’ll just share some pictures I’ve just got. It’s hard work, I tell ya! She’s still active until now, so the old pictures are usually hidden deep, deep, in the net, not to mention that when you google using her English name, there are not much to find. So when I found these, I almost cried, literally. Lol. Oh, and for a side note, it isn’t that I don’t find her beautiful nowadays (Granted, she’s not as pretty as her younger days, but now she looks stronger and maturer. That’s never a bad thing), but ogling a woman about my mom’s age is just.. wrong.

If this is the 80’s I’ll be hanging the pic on the right on my door. Thankfully I can just carry it everywhere on my cell nowadays *evil laugh*

The right one is sooooo Lynn! *Kakilemastangangemetarpanasdingin*

 
Note to self: telling my future girlfriend to pose like the left pic when she’s waiting for me on our date!

 
These two are just too beautiful not to post, don’t you think?

Last but not least, here’s a little gem I found several days ago. The singer is David Lui Fong, her boyfriend for 16 years (broken up in 2008). The song is not bad, but here’s what I’ve gotta say: I don’t have much money, so my dream girl would be a girl who’d beam like that after receiving a balloon from me. Lol. Seriously, that’s cute beyond belief. Usually I AM the girl who reacts like that after getting even a smile from someone I have a crush on, so it’ll be nice if one day I could be the one to cause such a reaction from another girl. :D

(Ps. Click on the pic for the vid.)

My Fair Lady

You can see how much I love a woman (or a character) based on how much and how often I write about them. Lol. It’s true. I just can’t get my mind off of her just yet. I promise I will… in two months or so. :D

Okay, so, today I listen to Julie Andrews’ My Fair Lady (I still hold a grudge to whoever it is that decided she’s not PRETTY enough to star in the movie! Because of that bastard I don’t get to watch a full performance of Julie Andrews in maybe on of the best musical ever). Aaaand as you can guess, instead of Eliza Doolittle's face I got Cheng Shih-nan’s face singing “Just You Wait”. Lol. Well, it’s not completely out of place. If you ever watch ‘Her Fatal Ways’ and you listen to “Just You Wait”, you can imagine that Cheng Shih-nan could ever well be Eliza Doolittle, just with a different race. The same passionate and fiery spirit. The same conventional ways and manners. The same rich imaginations. Heck, like I said before, Julie Andrews and Dodo Cheng’s looks don’t differ that much!

One more similarity between the two: Eliza was finally changed into a proper lady. In Her Fatal Ways 4, Cheng Shih-nan also changed into someone I barely knew!!! Whoever decided it was a good idea to turn Cheng Shih-nan into a ‘true Hongkie’ (her word, not mine!) needed to see a doctor. The story even started FIVE years after Shih-nan stopped being a police and moved to Hong Kong. WTF? First of all, she looooooved her country so much, why would she move? Did she forget that although to reach her house in China she needed to walk for hours, her feet can’t stand the 8 stories climb in Hong Kong’s apartments? She didn’t even have a job in Hong Kong yet, and even after five years we still saw her struggling with making a living (in a chicken costume, no less!), and suddenly, she was asked to take over a big security company. Yes, the job suited her just fine, but it’s just… surreal.

She and her nephew still practiced English (and changed her name to Senyelgit Cheng), that’s a pretty good laugh (I really don’t like the accent, though, it’s reminding me of someone I don’t wanna be reminded of!). But I laughed the hardest when they started speaking French. OMG! How I wish I could share the brilliance of their French! (And now I understand why some people said French is the sexiest language. Hm.)

Yes, you saw that? One of the most obvious change in Shih-nan is in HER LOOK! I don’t know if I should complain or just droll. She’s MUCH prettier than the other Shih-nan (and older too), but that’s simply not the Shih-nan I loveeeeeee!!!! From looks only, my favorite Shih-nan is in the second movie. Really, really cute! Thank God for the change in clothes, though. Even her uniform is reaaaaally coooool this time! <Droooolll>

 

 
<Wiping the droll> Yup. Ehm. Good change. Ehm. But she’s much too competent in her job! It somehow makes her much too cool to be Shih-nan (and damn, she’s really, really cool in this one. I miss my awkward Shih-nan! Hiks…)

And she fell in love, this time with a foreigner, no less, a Scottish man. He was sent by… his boss to attack Shih-nan’s only weakness: her virginity. Of course eventually he fell in love with her (she’s that much irresistible), but until the end we see no closure to that ‘secret mission’! Somehow we just assume she never finds out about that. I just want to see her beat the crap out of him, I admit. As much as I love seeing the cutesy that is Shih-nan-in-love, I can’t help but wanting him to just… go. I looove the scene in the elevator, though, when Shih-nan and John was robbed, and Shih-nan managed to turn back the situation…

 
And that stupid guy whispered thank you in her ear…

And she dropped the gun!!!! ROTFL!!!


Well, she still managed to catch the gun before it even hit the floor. Like I said, this Shih-nan is much too cool!

Oh, one other good thing about this movie is the addition of Sandra Ng as her cousin. They do often play together in movies, to my delight, although it’s not often that they get to actually interact. Even in this movie, they’re not in the same screen that often. Gah!

Oi, oi, where’s the lovely geeky glassessssss? How many wrongs can one movie make? Gah! If you’re not careful, I’ll be in love with Lynn instead. Lol.

Truth be told, I find it hard to stay faithful to Shih-nan. LOL! Wait, wait, hear me out! Dodo Cheng’s characters usually are quite different one from the other, but so far I find most of them are soooo kind-hearted, and that’s the weakness in me! Let’s see, so far it’s kinda tie between Cheng Shih-nan and Lynn (funny that is, should I choose the virgin or the hooker? No, I’m not badmouthing Lynn, that is indeed her profession!) – thanks to the failed HFW 4. And then this girl from Master Wong vs. Master Wong, who took lots of kicks from Wong Fei Hung, no less, in order to protect a little girl:

And to make her even cooler, she actually fell for Wong Fei Hung, but she helped him reunite with his lover instead. This character is half comedic and half dramatic, and I like her a lot, that’s for sure!

And then The Queen of Gambling. She’s got a great poker face, but she’s actually quite vulnerable. She practically risked her life finding money to bring her brother to a doctor. She’s really smart and she’s lucky! I can use some luck in my life, I’m really not on the lucky side, you know. Lol.

  

I’m not sure if this one is just Dodo Cheng or one of her characters, but hot damn! I would drop a gun too if this girl is in front of me. Sorry, Michelle, you just got out-cool-ed! (Ps. You don’t want to know what I had to go through to find this picture. Hh…)

 
Yeah, well, Inspector Cheng is still topping the list for me, if it’s because I know about her more than any of those girls, and I’m pretty sure I can live being married to her. That’s saying a lot, cause her house needs hours of walking, has no electricity, has only MANUAL shower (one of the scenes I love most in the movies. It showed how proud she is! Hehehe…), and don’t forget about her daily antics that would grant curses for those around her. But just like those men around her, I too am attracted to her like moths to flame. And that’s what I am right now: a burned out moth. Oh. Shit. 

Oh, Shit!

Have you ever been in love… (wait, don’t answer it just yet) …with a fictional character? It happens quite a lot to me but it’s not exactly love. More like a crush, that’s it. But this time I’m really falling for a very fictional character and I’m freaking out. Oh shit is right.

Before you judge me (yes, my love life is non-existent right now, but I’m not that desperate!), let me explain logically why you could easily fall for a fictional character.

1. You know the person very well. If it’s a fictional character in a book, it’s even more so, cause sometimes you’ll even know what’s inside their heart and mind. This is especially true for characters in TV series or books/movies with sequels.

2. If it’s a TV/movie character, big chance they’re played by an actress/actor you admire, who’s likely to be more beautiful than average people.

3. They possess skills or talents you admire.

You see, I admire lots of beautiful, talented actresses and I love some of them, but it’s very clear to me that they’re not the characters they played (especially since most of them are VERY different than the person they portrayed on screen). Therefore, although I can love some actresses, I don’t think I can really fall in love with them.

Of course, there are more disadvantages than advantages of falling for a fictional characters (are there really any advantages at all for that?). But since when does love and attraction care about logic? You get to know someone, and suddenly you care a great deal about them. That’s it. Here are some obvious disadvantages that come to mind right now:

1. You’ll never meet them. This is the blatantly obvious one. Even if you meet the actress/actor/author, they’re just not the person you fall in love with.

2. Some confusion/frustration when you see the same actress/actor playing a different role.

3. There’s absolutely nothing you can do except to wait until the feelings go away, and that’s quite a torture. LOL!

Well you know whom I love right now, right? (Clue: read the post before this.) Today I happen to say, “Oh, shit!” a lot more than usual, and I giggle afterwards EVERY damn time! That’s ridiculous, really. And it’s not like I say it on purpose. I had to eat instant noodle for breakfast. I forgot to bring my towel to the bathroom. I had to wait 30 minutes for my… well, ‘client’. I forgot to wear my thicker jacket so I was freezing all 1 hour to and from the ‘client’s house. My jacket’s zipper was broken. My 1 GB download that I’ve downloaded for 3 days turned out to be useless after all. My internet couldn’t connect when I needed it most. My dinner only consisted of two slices of bread. My sleep was interrupted by an urgent request (but not an important one!) from my mother. Damn right, I said “Oh, shit!” more times today than the average week. But you know what? Thanks to that stupid being in love business, I giggle every time I said it, so my irritation goes away real quick.

Oh, and more ‘oh shit’ today when I was watching “Women’s Prison”. Another movie starred Dodo Cheng, although she’s not the main character. That’s a pretty tough movie, although somehow it still maintains some light-heartedness. Lots of agony and “oh shit” moments, though… if you watch this movie, you’ll kinda know what’ll happen next, and it’s not good! Particularly this one scene:

Ouch indeed. The movie built up well, and the final ‘battle’ is just.. wow. It’s a very good movie in my opinion, and from the VERY few reviews I read about this movie, I’m not the only one. I wonder why this movie is so underrated. Controversial? Maybe. Going to labor and raising kids in the prison, lesbian rape, drugging the prisoner, and lots of physical fights.

I’ll admit that I couldn’t take my eyes off of Dodo in this movie. She’s a brilliant all-around actress, but she’s more known to her comedy than anything else – and she can do that with just her facial expression. It’s another testimony of her brilliance that she can play this Lynn girl so perfectly. Arrogant, uneducated (totally opposite to the bookish Cheng Shin-nan), rash, tough, but fair and kind-hearted.

The main character has my sympathy. She’s the typical ‘good girl who goes to jail just because’ – in this case, she hurt a loan shark who hit her and her mother. She’s a woman with dignity, and she has a pretty hard time adjusting to prison life. But she’s pretty lucky compared to others in that prison, so I don’t care that much for her. I respect her bravery and her loyalty to her friends, but that’s it.

Dodo’s character, on the other hand, makes me feel. She used to be the Big Sister in the prison, and she doesn’t like knowing how the new leader takes the role. The new Big Sister, aka Fatty, with the help of the prison guard started picking on her, and naturally she fights back. She knows she’s right and she won’t obey the prison guard, and they drugged her. If I was there I would’ve been drugged too, for attacking the guards. It just broke my heart seeing such a lively spirit being reduced into someone who can’t even eat on her own (and she has face and body with my movie wife, dammit!).

 
   

The part with Lynn’s being drugged is one of the most heartbreaking moment of the movie. Even when she’s drugged she still refuses to sign a paper in which it was stated that she agreed to receive the drug. Therefore they kept drugging her. The main character, Kelly, was put into an isolated cell for helping her walk to the toilet (even in her drugged condition, Lynn tried her best to make Kelly release her when the guard came. See why I admire her so much?). That left Lynn in the care of her other friend, Jane, who practically did everything for her. Some heartbreaking scenes here, too, when Lynn cried while Jane was washing her feet. It was Jane who finally succeed in making Lynn signing the paper and gaining back her strength.

The final battle has one of my favorite Dodo Cheng expression ever:

 

Love it cause usually Dodo’s face makes me laugh (or when it’s dramatic it makes me cry). There’s no way that’ll make me laugh or cry. I'll just run away as far as I can! Lol. No, seriously. It’s a rare role for Dodo Cheng (or perhaps I just don’t care to watch her movies with a genre I don’t like).

Aaaaaanyway. Bottom line is, while trying to logically defend myself, I still think falling in love with a fictional character is pretty lame and stupid. Haha. But I REALLY can’t help it, so I’d just enjoy it while it lasts, right? Oh, and while we’re talking about love, please check out this video I made. Enjoy :D

Ode to Inspector Cheng

 

Let me sing the song of a magnificent police inspector. Her name is Cheng Shin-nan. Quite frankly, you’ll want to kill her (or kill yourself for that matter) if you ever meet her. But once you know her you’ll find yourself drawn to her and the next thing you know you can’t get her out of your mind it makes you crazy.

Okay, maybe that’s just me. Lol. You see, I looooooove women. I admire lots of them and I even adore some of them, fictional and real women alike. It’s even easier with TV/movie characters, as we could get to know the character, and adore them, not necessarily the actresses. But as much as I love Xena I couldn’t imagine having her as my wife. As much as I adore Idy Chan’s beauty, living with Xiao Long Nu in the tomb will perhaps bore me to death. Judging by her character, Inspector Cheng’s antics might also shorten my life a great deal, but that would still be a very interesting and happy life. Yup, out of all TV & movie characters, the one that I’ll be very likely to actually fall in love with and will want to marry if they ever come alive is Cheng Shin-nan.

How do you explain a person like Inspector Cheng? She is a police inspector in mainland China. She dresses like your great great great grandmother. Her personality is much like Rachel Berry but her voice is the total opposite, and heck, her choices of songs are beyond terrible. She can ramble more in one breath than Ellen Morgan (and my mom). She is patriotic to a fault, but amazingly, not small-minded. She’s tough but actually very girly. She’s bossy to bone. She’s conventional but logical. And like Kenshin in Samurai X, in the critical time she’s the one you can count on.

Okay, some facts about her:

1. Her guns are decorated.

Well, at least three of them were decorated, and it’s only shown in the first movie. The first gun was confiscated by the Hong Kong police because she’s not allowed to carry a gun. The second was used to hurt the friend of the escaping criminal. The third one showed up out of nowhere in the final battle. I find it charming, and a nice testimony to her personality.

2. She took threats to her homeland seriously… however trivial it is.

No kidding! The father of the Hong Kong detective who lent a room for her and her nephew was a veteran revolutionary. He sang revolutionary song at night, they countered it with a Chinese anthem, and from there the singing battle went on (this is the first time I heard a ‘singing battle’ in any movie. It was brilliant, really!!!)

   
And the morning after, the battle continued…

   

3. She can out-drink an army of veterans

And still went out to enjoy Hong Kong afterwards.

4. She is innocent.

That’s not just to say that she’s a virgin. She wore pajamas under a bikini, for heaven’s sake! Note to any (male?) criminals: if you want to escape her, just pull down your pants.

But it’s her innocence that makes her able to love in a very cute way. And that expression actually makes me wanting so much to be the one causing it in the first place, dammit!
   

 
(Gah, this one minute of expressions has as much effect on me as Emma Thompson’s broken heart scene in Love Actually! I loooove it. Especially when she tried to shake the giddiness off but broke out a smile anyway…)

5. She looooooooooves to sing. Especially in front of a crowd. Especially karaoke.

And when she gets the chance, not even her own nephew is allowed to sing a line.

 

I tried my best to find the video of this part in Mandarin (found one in Cantonese, but I find it less funny…), but I can’t. If you can, please do watch. Bellyache from laughing is guaranteed. This is when they asked to sing another song, but the karaoke operator hated their singing (rightfully so) and played a donation show instead. Since karaoke is about singing the subtitle and since there WAS subtitle on the screen, they SANG it!!!

 

Did I mention that her singing literally broke glasses?

 
6. She loves to dress up. But her taste is just… gaaaaah! 

Well, still better than her everyday clothes, though. But why can’t they dress her up like this at least once per movieeeee? Hiks…

 
7. Her English is… well… unusual.

She taught her troops THIS:

Which naturally resulted in a daily usage of:

 
Yeah, yeah, it’s only a semi-dirty word. What’s so special? HER PRONOUNCIATION, I tell you what!

8. She LOVES to eat. You know my deal with women and food. My ultimate love is women who STEAL food.

9. She’s got a magical purse that can produced unlimited number of weapon (be it fake or genuine ones), and a car that can fit unlimited number of people.

Not to mention that her use of weapon also quite creative:

Bowling balls

Deathly glare

Golf balls

Keys

Badges
(From left to right: Chinese Public Security, Taiwan Interpol of State Security, and Royal Hong Kong Police. Poor guy… he’s not even a criminal but he offended the police from three countries at the same time!)

Oh well, it’s really quite impossible to describe her properly. You’ve gotta get to know her yourself to understand her charm. But one thing I can say for sure. I’m charmed! There was even one scene that I’m pretty sure made me look like this:

And that scene actually replayed itself in my dream. Lol. No, it’s not THAT naughty, but I certainly won’t tell in details. :p

So that’s my movie wife for now. I left the TV wife spot cause I haven’t found her. The closest one was Monica Geller, and that makes a lot of sense cause I’m practically a female Chandler Bing, but since she’s married I won’t claim her. Oh, and actually the movie is quite good. Yes it’s kinda old but it’s golden, really. There are lots of surprises and creative ideas used. The English title is Her Fatal Ways and it has 4 sequels. Just please don’t fall for my movie wife, OK??? :D