Monday, July 06, 2009

The Arrogant Kinda Love

I'm a firm believer that love is never wrong. But there are actually lots of negative kinds of love, the kinds that can actually harm somebody else. Possesive love being the most common one, I think. In Indonesia, though, I think the arrogant kind of love is even more common.

I hate when people say to me, "I did it for your own good." or, "I'm only trying to do the best for you." For me that's so arrogant. Who can decide what's best for me but me? Many people around me do that occasionally, especially my parents and their siblings, although there is this one person who does that to me too many times that she became a kind of terrorist in my life. I know my parents and my families love me so much and they care about my well-being, and that's why they try to lead me to the 'right' way. I know sometimes love can be so blind that they cannot see how unhappy I become once I follow their paths. I would try to tell them, explain to them about my unhappiness, and most of the times my parents and families would listen. Except for that one particular person.

My cases aren't so extreme. I think most people would understand my confusion because most parents do that to their children. Mostly it's about having to get good grades at school, or choosing subject of study, or even choosing friends. I'm not a parent yet, but I can imagine how tiring it is to take care of children's well-being, to shape their characters to the best possible, to teach them manners and morals, etc. I can understand how busy they are with trying to give their children the best that they forget to ask what their children actually need or want. I can understand that no matter how mature I feel about myself, to my parents I'll always be a little girl. The only way I know how to solve that problem is by communicating how I feel to my parents. Some people are willing to listen. But some others are just plain deaf to anybody else's reasoning.

Some extreme cases can be found in the gay community. There are parents who send their children directly to a doctor after finding out that they're gay, or worse yet, to radical churches or 'pesantren' who claim that they can 'heal' homosexuality. Those parents don't realize, they just fed their children to the devil himself. The worst case I know happens in South Africa, where parents and families agree or even help with 'corrective rape' to heal their daughters or sisters from lesbianism. I have no idea how they felt as their parents and families' "We do this because we love you" speeches.

I, too, don't know what to do with this love-hate-guilt feeling. How am I suppossed to react to that kind of love, actually? I know she loves me to death and I know how much I hurt her by practically cutting all contacts with her. There is so much guilt I felt later, but I really don't know what to do. I despise people who think that their way is the best way. I despise it more when those people try to force their way to me. But what am I suppossed to do when they say that they do it in the name of love?

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